ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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