WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
