Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
