the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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