Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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