Swine flu. Run for my life!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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