so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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