Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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