Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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