Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
