I cockslap morals
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
