so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
