we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
