it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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