have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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