So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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