No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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