I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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