What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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