I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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