some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
