We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
