so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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