I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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