i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
BRING THE BAGELS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
