whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
