Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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