Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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