i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
