508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Everything about him screamed your future.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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