I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
