Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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