I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
