Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
