I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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