guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
