1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
