I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
