I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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