i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
