he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
