I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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