Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
