Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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