using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
