I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
