Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.

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  (440): made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is. http://tfl.nu/etmn
  Replies (21) Good night (5778) Bad night (690)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

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  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
  Replies (55) Good night (5652) Bad night (949)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2

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  (304): alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2 http://tfl.nu/q6v7
  Replies (120) Good night (6643) Bad night (929)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

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  (330): We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever. http://tfl.nu/56mg
  Replies (38) Good night (10282) Bad night (837)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship

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  (404): you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship http://tfl.nu/msif
  Replies (7) Good night (3933) Bad night (1021)
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  (347): View more from New York

  your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.

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  (347): your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward. http://tfl.nu/axq6
  Replies (11) Good night (969) Bad night (3432)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?

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  (785): Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference? http://tfl.nu/d4sd
  Replies (7) Good night (1886) Bad night (860)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night

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  (781): There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night http://tfl.nu/6b77
  Replies (7) Good night (774) Bad night (1425)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.

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  (423): Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone. http://tfl.nu/b7in
  Replies (10) Good night (2046) Bad night (483)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.

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  (440): So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too. http://tfl.nu/fbz1
  Replies (3) Good night (440) Bad night (912)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back

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  (352): As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back http://tfl.nu/26q8
  Replies (5) Good night (1455) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.

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  (336): You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that. http://tfl.nu/r9t5
  Replies (7) Good night (593) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.

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  (608): Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this. http://tfl.nu/002x
  Replies (3) Good night (992) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.

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  (914): Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing. http://tfl.nu/rvdd
  Replies (3) Good night (478) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.

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  (586): The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/pfab
  Replies (2) Good night (273) Bad night (613)

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