I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.