gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
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We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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