So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is wine microwaveable?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
