i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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