I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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