so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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