pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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