So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
