let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
