I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
