from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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