i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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