I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
