we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
