I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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