Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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