I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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