Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
