I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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