its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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