he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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