alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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