I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize