I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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