Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
