There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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